#how one of us cannot exist without the other

[professorspork]

idk how to word this properly but wrt the fanfic thing you reblogged earlier. Why do fanfic writers have such different expectations than any other content hosting platform?

Like lets take youtube as a point of comparison, Engagement like comments and likes largely exists to boost the works place in algorithm, thats why youtubers put in calls to action and other engament bait. Few with decent reach even read the comments and the audience shouldnt try to develop any weird parasocial relationship with the youtuber. Fanfic authors ask for likes (kudos, because the websites gotta use nonstandard language for some reason) and comments despite them not having any impact on an algorithm, and seem to want the audience to try and develop a relationship with the author based on tumblr posts like that one.

Why the radical difference in behaviour away from the norm? And honestly with all the (usually) metaphorical blood spilled online about parasociality why are authors really surprised that the audience tries to keep their distance as is best practice with any other content producer?

okay I am going to answer this as kindly and as calmly as I can and try to assume that you are asking this in good faith. because my friend, the fact that you feel the need to ask is, to me, The Problem.

[this is, for the record, in response to this post]

fanfiction writers are not *posting content.* (I also have reservations about engaging with the term "content producer" or "content creator" but let's put that aside for now, I'll circle back to it.) you say "they seem to want the audience to try and develop a relationship with the author" as though it is strange, off-putting, and incomprehensible to you, when in fact that is the point of writing fanfiction. it is a way of participating in fandom. it is a way of building community and exchanging ideas and becoming closer with people.

if authors wanted to solely ~generate content~ that would get them attention (?? to what end, the dynamic you have described seems to equate algorithmic supremacy as winning for winning's sake, as though all anyone wants to do is BUILD an audience without ENGAGING with them, which I cannot fathom but let's pretend for a moment that is, in fact, true) then like. if that were the case why on earth would they choose a medium in which they categorically cannot succeed and profit, because it isn't their IP?

you are equating two things that are not at all the same thing. to the degree that parasocial relationships are to be avoided, and "that person is not trying to be your friend they are trying to entertain you, please respect their boundaries" is a real dynamic -- which it is!! -- like. you have to understand that the reason that is true for the people of whom it is true is because it is their JOB. they are storytellers by profession, and they are either through direct payment, or sponsorship, or advertising, or through some other means, profiting off of your attention. i don't say this to be dismissive, many wonderful artists and actors and comedians and any number of a thousand things that i enjoy very much go this route but they do so as a *career choice.* and so when you violate the public/private boundary with them, you are presuming to know a Person rather than their Worksona. the people who work at Dropout or who stream their actual play tabletop games or who broadcast on TikTok or YouTube are inviting me to feel like i know them to the degree to which that helps them succeed in their medium and at their craft, but there MUST be a mutual understanding that that's a feeling, not a fact.

however.

a fanfiction writer is not an influencer, not a professional, and is not looking to garner "success." there is no share of audience we are trying to gain for gain's sake, because we are not competition with one another, because there is nothing to win other than the pleasure of each other's company. we are doing this for no other reason than the love of the game; because we have things we want desperately to say about these worlds, these characters, these dynamics, and because we *want more than anything to know we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings.* fanfiction is a bid for interaction, engagement, attention, and consideration. it is not meant to be consumed and then moved on from because we are NOT paid for our work, nor do we want to be. the reward we seek is "attention," but attention as in CONVERSATION, not attention as in clicks. we are not IN this for profit, or for number-go-up. there is no such thing: legally there cannot be. we are in this because we want to be seen and known.

like. please understand. i am now married to someone i met because of mutual comments on fanfiction. our close friend and roommate, with whom i have cohabitated for over a decade now, is someone I met because of mutual comments on fanfiction and livejournal posts. that is my household. beyond my household, the vast majority of my closest personal friends are people with whom I built relationships in this way.

you ask why fanfiction writers want THIS and not "the norm," but the idea of everything being built to cater to an algorithm to continue to build clout, as though the only method of reaching people is Distant Overlord Creator and Passive Receptive Audience being "the norm" is EXTREMELY NEW. this is not how it has always been!! please think of the writers of zines in a pre-internet fandom, using paper and glue and xerox to try and meet like-minded people in a world that was designed for you to only ever meet people in person, by happenstance, in your own hometown. imagine the writers of the early internet, building webrings from scratch to CREATE a community to find each other, despite distance. imagine livejournal groups, forums, and -- yes, indeed, of course -- comment threads IN STORIES -- as places where people go to *converse.* in the past, we had an entire Type Of Guy that everyone knew about, the BNF ("Big Name Fan") whose existence had to be described via meme because it was SO DIFFERENT THAN THE NORM. treating fellow fans like celebrities or people too cool for the regular kids to know was an OUTLIER, and one commonly understood to lead to toxicity.

in the past, I have likened writing fanfiction to echolocation. i am not screaming because I like hearing the sound of my own voice, though i can and do find my voice beautiful. i am screaming so that the vibrations can bounce back to me and show me the world. the purpose is in the feedback. otherwise it is just noise.

does this make any sense? can you see, when i describe it that way, why an ask like yours makes me feel despair, because it makes us all sound so horribly separate from one another?

perhaps I will try another metaphor:

a professional chef who runs a restaurant will not have her feelings hurt if you never fight your way into the kitchen to personally tell her how much you enjoyed the meal. that would, indeed, violate a boundary. professional kitchens are a place of work, and you have already showed her you enjoyed the meal by paying for it, or by perhaps spreading your enjoyment by word of mouth to your friends so they, too, can have good meals. you show your appreciation by continuing to come back. if a bunch of people sitting around randomly happen to have a conversation about how much they love the food, it wouldn't hurt that chef's feelings to not be included in the conversation. however: EVEN IN THIS INSTANCE, it is ADVISABLE AND APPROPRIATE to leave a good review! you might post about how much you like this restaurant on Yelp, and it would probably make the chef feel great to see those positive comments. but the chef doesn't NEED them, because the chef is, again, *also being paid to cook.* that's why she started the restaurant, to be paid to cook!

i am not being paid to cook.

i am at home in my own kitchen, making things for a community potluck where i hope everyone will bring something we can all enjoy together. some people at the potluck are better bakers, some better cooks; some can't cook at all but are great at logistics and make sure there's enough napkins for everyone; some people come just to enjoy the food, because that's what the party is for. and if I, as this enthusiast chef who made something from my heart for this reason alone, learned after the fact that a bunch of people got together in the parking lot to rave about my dish but no one of them had ever bothered to tell me while I sat alone at my table all night, occasionally seeing people come by to pick up a plate but never saying anything to me -- of course that would bother me, because I am not otherwise profiting off the labor I put in. this is not a bid to be paid, because if someone WERE to say "hey, great cake!! here's five bucks for a slice" i would say no, friend, that is not the point and give them the money back. i'm not trying to Get Mine. I am in it to see the look on your face. I'm in it so you can tell me what about it moved you, so that I can say back what moved me to make it in the first place. so we can TALK about it.

because what happened in the first place is this: one time I had a cake whose sweetness, richness, flavor, intensity, and composition moved me so much that I *taught myself to bake.* so I could see how much vanilla and sugar was too much, so I could learn how to make things rise instead of fall flat, so I could even better appreciate the original cake by seeing for myself the effort and talent and inspiration that goes into making one even half as good.

learning to do so is a satisfying accomplishment in and of itself, yes.

but I also did it because at the end of the day we should EAT the cake. and it's a lonely thing, to eat alone when a meal was always designed and intended to be shared.

so, to answer your last question: i'm not surprised, i'm just sad. because somehow two things that were never meant to be seen as the same have been labeled "content," and thus identical. and it diminishes both the things that ARE intended to be paid for AND the things that are not, because it removes any sense of intimacy or meaning from the work.

i hope you know i'm not mad at you for asking. but i'm frustrated we've come to live in a world where the question needs to be asked, because the answers are no longer intuitively obvious because we're so siloed.

[starlight-shadowbanned]

I've mentioned before that antisemites, to varying degrees, imagine Jews as lacking interiority, and what I am using that word to mean is "an interior emotional and mental experience." This often comes in the form of antisemites imagining that Jews make decisions and choices in order to trick or deceive them (or God), rather than for our own reasons. They see all of our actions as performative -- not in the sense of empty or fake, but in the sense of existing for the sake of their perception.

This shows up in many different contexts. One, which I've spoken about before, is the way some people view Jewish legal "loopholes." Take for example Shabbos lamp, which is a lamp with a wooden or plastic cover that can be rotated such that the lamp can be left on for all of Shabbat but can be covered when the user wants darkness:

This is because many Jewish communities hold that it's forbidden to open and close electrical circuits on Shabbat, so this enables people in those communities to be able to choose to lighten or darken their room without breaking Jewish law.

However, a lot of people who are not part of these communities do not realize that the prohibition is on opening and closing circuits, and believe it's about "using" electricity more generally -- and thus see a Shabbos lamp as "cheating." Those with a penchant for antisemitism take it a step farther and see this as an attempt by Jews to "trick God" into believing that we are pious and following all of God's rules when in "reality" we are breaking them. Some also believe we are trying to trick them.

Rather, it is our attempt to put into practice that the commandments are to enrich our lives, not make us miserable; we find approved ways within the laws to meet our needs. The laws are not for asceticism or proving piety, they are a system of holiness, and so finding solutions that the law approves of is not cheating. And God cannot be tricked.

That is to say: we have reasons for doing things based on our own spiritual, religious, and practical needs, not based on how it looks to others. And we are not trying to trick anybody.

[disgruntled-welshgirl]

It's a day late but not a dollar short, that's right it's the:

TOP 100 RONANCE FICS

and to say there's been some shake ups would be an understatement. More votes were cast in the last two weeks than in the first month of the poll's existence and so we have a lot of new entries. If you'd like to vote then head on over to the survey.

I just want give a quick reminder of the rules for entries as well:

1: Ronance must be the main ship, not a background one

2: The fic must be under the stranger things fandom tab

3: The fic must have at least 500 words

So, with the formalities out of the way, let's get to the list which is, as always, below the cut.

1:

This story we found ourselves in by EskaWrites

Votes: 9

Ranking: 4.4

Rating: Mature

Word count: 164,289

Chapters: 28

Complete?: Yes

A slow burn fic where Robin and Steve are celebrities who are fake dating while Robin and Nancy figure things out between them. Angst is in plentiful supply with depictions of homophobia (Internalised and external), and substance abuse.

2:

Make my Menace Into Someone You’d Adore by Moonflowery 

Votes: 7

Ranking: 4

Rating: Teen and up

Word count: 92,605

Chapters: 12

Complete?: Yes

A slow burn enemies to lovers AU where Nancy starts working at Scoops Ahoy alongside Robin and they cannot stand each other. Set during season 3 but without the russians, the biggest enemy is the girls’ chronic inability to talk about their feelings.

3:

My Piece of Land by Titface

Votes: 5

Ranking: 6

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 24,250

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy Wheeler is a doomsday prepper, and then doomsday happens; after a few years alone she welcomes a strange woman falling into one of her traps. If you’ve seen the TLOU tv show, it’s Bill and Frank but with Ronance.

4:

When It’s Cold I’d Like To Die by Notesfromthechamber

Votes: 4

Ranking: 3

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 159,811

Chapters: 29

Complete?: No

An exploration of the trauma the upside down inflicts and how that brings Robin and Nancy closer than they thought possible. As you might expect, angst, hurt/comfort, and heavy themes of all kinds are prevalent in this character study fic.

5:

A Never Ending Story by Summersociety

Votes: 3

Ranking: 2

Rating: Mature

Word count: 48,815

Chapters: 13

Complete?: Yes

Robin and Nancy fall in love through the magical medium of DnD in this hurt/comfort fic. Steve and Eddie are also there to watch as the lines between the girls and their characters becomes ever more unclear.

6:

In Her Hips There’s Revolution by Monstrous_Femme 

Votes: 4

Ranking: 4.5

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 70,550

Chapters: 11

Complete?: Yes

The author describes this fic as “Jane Austen with more alleyway head” and features Nancy wheeler deep in the Riot grrl movement of 1995 Washington. Drug use, trauma, and sexual 

content abound.

7:

Feels Like I’ve Been Gettin’ Anointed (Ever Since The Day That I Met You) by Khalasaar 

Votes: 4

Ranking: 4.8

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10,782

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Catholic school AU where Robin and Nancy are put to work together on a project, they’re both very normal about it. Some light angst but mostly a lot of tension between the girls.

8:

8 Feet Apart by Camaroo

Votes: 3

Ranking: 2.3

Rating: Mature

Word count: 59,869

Chapters: 10

Complete?: No

Nancy is a vampire, newly made in a Russian lab and confined to a house. Outside her window, just 8 feet away, is the home of Robin, physics nerd and radio enthusiast. This slow burn fic has a healthy dose of angst and mutual pining.

9:

All Strung Out by Polterjap 

Votes: 3

Ranking: 4.3

Rating: Unrated

Word count: 20,228

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

The ever-prevalent spider-man AU, in which Nancy is a journalist who seeks to unmask Spider-woman, all while getting closer to college student Robin Buckley. 

10:

A Love That Came And Left With This Train by Melodicchaos 

Votes: 3

Ranking: 4.3

Rating: Mature

Word count: 78,311

Chapters: 15

Complete?: Yes

A ronance AU of the book One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston. Nancy is a college student who runs into Robin on the Boston metro; she soon discovers there’s far more to ‘The MBTA Angel’ than she could have ever imagined. Very fluffy with some tense moments.

11:

Like a Damaged Nerve Like a Dark Bird by Monstrous_Femme

Votes: 3

Ranking: 4.3

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 86,970

Chapters: 16

Complete?: Yes

A fix-it fic of sorts, where the problems of the upside down have rendered Hawkins a barren wasteland by 1993 when Nancy falls asleep on Barb’s grave only to wake up back in 1985. Will Nancy be able to stop the apocalypse with the help of Robin and Chrissy? This slow burn fic will tell all.

12:

The Devil’s After Both of Us by Eskawrites

Votes: 3

Ranking: 5

Rating: Mature

Word count: 35,421

Chapters: 5

Complete?: Yes

Set post season 4, Robin gets possessed by Vecna and it’s up to the party to save her. What better time could there be for Nancy to work through her internalised homophobia? 

13:

Accidentally In Love by Angelranger 

Votes: 3

Ranking: 5.3

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 33,484

Chapters: 11

Complete?: Yes

Nancy decides she wants to get to know Robin better and uses a set of questions designed to make people fall in love. What could go wrong? Mutual pining and some angst that’s what.

14:

Orange Crush by Titface

Votes: 3

Ranking: 5.6

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 7,152

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy has trouble sleeping and has taken to calling or visiting Robin when insomnia strikes. This time, Robin has promised she’ll tell Nancy how she really feels during her midnight visit. Unfortunately they run into some people, one person in particular.

15:

Love Is a Battle I Can Win by Palmviolet

Votes: 2

Ranking: 2.5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 24,653

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

It’s christmas 1994 and Nancy is visiting Steve for christmas alongside the whole party; at the same time she has to reckon with her feelings for Robin and her comphet. Internalised and externalised homophobia is depicted alongside drug and alcohol use as well as homophobic slurs throughout.

16:

Some That Fall Don’t Land In Bubbles by Moonflowery

Votes: 2

Ranking: 2.5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 56,239

Chapters: 13

Complete?: Yes

One of the heaviest fics on this list, a hurt/comfort mermaid AU slow burn. Robin gets turned into a Mermaid after a traumatic event and Nancy, another mermaid, has to help her adjust to her new life underwater. This one touches on a lot of serious topics including suicide, substance abuse, and homophobia, read the tags and the authors note for a detailed breakdown.

17:

Our Hearts Know Deeper Seasons Than Our Memories by EskaWrites

Votes: 2

Ranking: 3.5

Rating: Mature

Word count: 167,512

Chapters: 35

Complete?: Yes

An alternative POV for This Story We Found Ourselves in, everything said there applies here.

18:

Entirely on Purpose and According To Plan by Titface

Votes: 2

Ranking: 4

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 14,090

Chapters: 3

Complete?: Yes

A secret agent catches Nancy’s eye and it spirals into her and Robin spying. The spying is definitely not foreplay, what would make you think that?

19:

The Universe Isn’t Always Helpful (But It Can Be Kind) by LaceyBarbedWire

Votes: 2

Ranking: 4.5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 1,373

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

A soulmark AU in which the first words your soulmate will say to you are written on your body. It just so happens that Nancy’s is in French.

20:

All I Want For Christmas (Is Queen Elizabeth’s Engagement Ring) by eyeseeun

Votes: 2

Ranking: 5.5

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 18,965

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

The party discovers that their teachers, Nancy and Robin, are dating. This fact is then used for all manner of shenanigans.

21:

If This Feeling Flows Both Ways by Sapphirerays

Votes: 2

Ranking: 5.5

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 9,117

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy receives a… sensitive message from Robin that wasn’t intended for her. But if not for her, then who? The jealousy (and the want) sets Nancy on fire but it takes a talk with Eden for her to realise the truth.

22:

The Night Breeze Carries Something Sweet by Starryeyedjanai

Votes: 2.

Ranking: 5.5

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,414

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin, seeking solace from a college party, goes and locks herself in a bedroom without noticing that Nancy is already in there. They get to talking, and then to what usually happens in a bedroom at a party.

23:

Monster of the Week by freezeveganpolice

Votes: 2

Ranking: 5.5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 225,020

Chapters: 43

Complete?: Yes

Did you ever watch X-files and wish it was gayer? Well in this Ronance X-files AU, your wish comes true! As the word count implies, this is a slow burn.

24:

No Sweeter Drug (Than Just Giving You My Love) by IL46

Votes: 2

Ranking: 5.5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 60,110

Chapters: 12

Complete?: Yes

Yet again we see comphet Nancy, this time pining for a relationship with Robin she broke off after a summer romance. Feature Nancy and Eddie being best friends and a healthy balance of fluff and angst.

25:

Pas De Quatre by Freezeveganpolice

Votes: 2

Ranking: 6.5

Rating: Unrated

Word Count: 55,015

Chapters: 8

Complete?: Yes

Post season four Nancy realises that she misses ballet and tries to reconnect with that part of her. In doing so she starts to connect with Robin. It’s angsty, it’s a slow burn, it’s got internalised homophobia.

26:

The Way You Make Me Feel by Gwenstrikesagain

Votes: 2

Ranking: 7

Rating: Mature

Word count: 93,110

Chapters: 47

Complete?: Yes

A ballet AU in which the party is accepted into a ballet academy and Nancy does not get along with her new roommate, Robin. Angsty, enemies to lovers, slow burn is the name of the game. Heavy themes of eating disorders, depression, and anxiety are featured.

27:

Good Grief by Fascardotmp3

Votes: 2

Ranking: 8

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 19,600

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Set in the distant year of 2015, this fic asks what would Nancy’s life be like as a funeral director who has to deal with the death of Jim Hopper. As the name implies, this is an exploration of grief and trauma after 30 something years of hardships. 

28:

I Buried a Hatchet (It’s Coming Up Lavender) by Poorlittlegreenie

Votes: 2

Ranking: 8

Rating: Mature

Word count: 59,249

Chapters: 9

Complete?: Yes

Vecna almost takes Robin out so Nancy has to nurse her back to health, a job made more complicated by having to deal with her comphet at the same time. This fic touches on the extremes of tooth-rotting fluff and graphic depictions of violence to bring a slow burn hurt/comfort fic.

29:

Nothing But The Whole Wide World by Titface

Votes: 2

Ranking: 8.5

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 10,920

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy is bored and so decides to try and find Bigfoot, with the help of Robin Buckley of course. The premise of this, while somewhat comedic, leads to some angst and an exploration of her and Robin’s relationship. There is also eventually smut. 

30:

If You Rewrite Your Life, May I Still Play a Part? by Moonflowery

Votes: 1

Ranking: 1

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 34,454

Chapters: 40

Complete?: Yes

This is quite unique on the list as the only choose your own adventure fanfiction which, by it’s nature, is impossible to summarise; to attempt would be doing it a disservice. Check it out to find out for yourself what lies within.

31:

I’ll Be Home Soon by Megzeman

Votes: 1

Ranking: 1

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 7,378

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin find solace in each other after the defeat of Vecna in this start to a multi fic series. A slow burn romance, hurt/comfort, mutual pining; it all stems from a late night walkie talkie call.

32:

A Love Like This, All It Does Is Burn by Starryeyedjanai

Votes: 1

Ranking: 1

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2,506

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin and Nancy can’t stay away from each other, even when both are in relationships. This story is all about infidelity and so i think it goes without saying that angst and toxic relationships are to be expected.

33:

Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by Marissalyn14

Votes: 1

Ranking: 1

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 60,154

Chapters: 5

Complete?: Yes

This fic posits what the show might have been had Robin been introduced earlier and is set between seasons 1 and 2. Robin and Nancy start a fake relationship to get Steve and Jonathan to leave Nancy alone. It just so happens that Robin’s had a crush on Nancy for a long time.

34:

Shining Trinkets of Grief by fastcardotmp3

Votes: 1

Ranking: 1

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 15,505

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

The party try and navigate the post apocalypse with varying levels of success. Can it get worse? Of course it can, when Nancy and Robin also have to navigate grief and love together.

35:

Crooked Love in a straight line down by Pineappleking

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: Mature

Word count: 75,644

Chapters: 28

Complete?: Yes

Nancy Wheeler is a reporter assigned to cover the meteoric rise to fame of the band Hellfire, in doing so she meets and forms a relationship with the band’s lead singer, Robin Buckley. Sex, drugs, rock and roll; add in some hurt/comfort and you’ve got yourself this band AU.

36:

Dream a Little Dream Of Me by Culpabilities

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: General Audiences

Word count: 2,956

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Short and sweet, Robin comes out to Nancy who takes four days to think through how she feels about it. 

37:

Double Take by Creaturefromspace

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 67,341

Chapters: 15

Complete?: Yes

Robin has gained a reputation for being a player and fantastic in bed, Nancy knows this and turns to her for a distraction after Jonathan breaks up with her.

38:

Starcrossed by Iappreciateenjolras

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: Mature

Word count: 13,296

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

An exploration into Nancy’s grief over Barb’s death and the resulting Trauma, a hurt/comfort fic with a lot of hurt and comfort in the form of Robin Buckley. Heavy themes of grief, trauma, and implied self-harm

39:

Unlikely, But Likely by Pocket_Sand

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 136,769

Chapters: 51

Complete? Yes

A collection of one shots centred around ronance, each chapter comes with the appropriate content warnings for that story. Many genres, many tones, the same love.

40:

When You Say My Name by Marissalyn14

Votes: 1

Ranking: 2

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 95,315

Chapters: 10

Complete?: No

Robin Buckley gets into Emerson college and finds out her roommate is Nancy Wheeler, who she cannot stand (The feeling is very mutual). But, given this is an enemies to lovers fic, this animosity is sure to clear eventually. Right?

41:

Can I Ask You a Question? by MxHaveaChat

Votes: 1

Ranking: 3

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 15,114

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

While helping her into the upside down, Nancy catches a glimpse of Robin’s shoes and takes note of the extra scribbles that have been added. The thought of what they might mean sets Nancy’s mind aflame, and all that heat has to go somewhere.

42:

Getting Off by Meghan Page

Votes: 1

Ranking: 3

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,682

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin get stuck in a rickety dorm elevator and talk about their feelings. I’m sure you know what comes after. (Elevator sex)

43:

Robin Buckley's Expert Field Guide to Catching Fireflies (and Other Childhood Favourites) by Smileweakandwrong

Votes:1

Ranking: 3

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 18,437

Chapters: 5

Complete?: Yes

Picture the fluffiest thing you’ve ever read, double it. That’s what to expect in this fic where Robin works through an old book she wrote all about catching fireflies, turtles, and snakes oh my! Nancy is there because she is in love and hasn’t realised it yet, but she will.

44:

Blue Nights, Red Mornings by Cityseeker

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Teen and up

Word Count: 4,501

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy feels safe while holding Robin’s hand, and she starts to wonder why that might be. What she does know is that being around Robin helps in the aftermath of Vecna.

45:

Coming Unglued by Freezeveganpolice

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,203

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin and Nancy hunt a man for sport and then torture him, this gets them in the mood for some ‘extracurricular activity’. Be aware of depictions of graphic violence.

46:

Meet Ugly by ItCanBePalped

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 7,777

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

During a walk of shame, Robin bumps into Nancy and makes a… less than ideal first impression. She pulls it back though, eventually.

47:

Missing Out by Smileweakandwrong

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 3,767

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy gets stood up on valentine’s day and so Robin decides to keep her company.

48:

Red lips, Blue eyes by Iiruwu

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 44,231

Chapters: 5

Complete?: Yes

What if instead of Jonathan, Robin is the one who’d found Nancy after the halloween party? Mutual pining slow burn that’s what’s in store as an unlikely relationship forms. Some fluff, some angst, all hurt/comfort.

49:

Robin Buckley’s Mother by Wynhaught_trash

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Mature

Word count: 158,885

Chapters: 44

Complete?: Yes

Another heavy one, in which Steve and Nancy help Robin deal with her trauma after being abused by her mother. A lot of angst, but also healing with graphic depictions of violence. Set after season 3 leading into an alternate season 4.

50:

Stars and Sand and and Leaves by Ghosttotheparty

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 22,427

Chapters: 3

Complete?: Yes

A ronance and byler double feature! Nancy and Mike help each other work through their feelings about being queer. Some light angst mixed in with a bit of smut

51:

This Girl Is a Gun And We’ve Been Havin’ Some Fun by Moonflowery

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8,075

Complete?: Yes

It turns out Robin has a thing for guns, which is rather inconvenient when Nancy is trying to give her shooting lessons.

52:

That Girl Is Like an Architect, And I’m Just the New Invention by Sectimo

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 79,777

Chapters: 21

Complete?: Yes

Set post canon, Nancy has to navigate a tumultuous relationship with Robin amidst the AIDS crisis. The fact that this is a slowburn tagged as “friends to enemies to friends to lovers” should tell you all you need to know. Add in a story about activism and dealing with comphet and you’ve got an all-timer fanfic.

53:

To Be Near You (Is To Be Unable To Hear You) by TotalForgiveness

Votes: 1

Ranking: 4

Rating: General Audiences

Word count: 54,545

Chapters:15

Complete?: No

Robin is the new kid in Hawkins and is astounded to find her favourite youtuber sitting in the back of her english class. It just so happens that youtuber is Nancy Wheeler.

54:

A Girl In Need of a Tourniquet by loudsnapdradon

Votes: 1

Ranking: 5

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17,760

Chapters: 2

Complete?: Yes

Following a string of bad luck and a gamut of problems, Nancy becomes an escort to pay for college. And then she doesn’t stop. And then she meets Robin in a random Hotel.

55:

Bathroom Of a Party by Cottagewerewolf

Votes: 1

Ranking: 5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 1,112

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin get high in the bathroom of a party. Not really much else to say about this one.

56:

Now the Halftime Air Was Sweet Perfume (While Sergeants Played a Marching Tune) by Red_Banner

Votes: 1

Ranking: 5

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 142,150

Chapters: 15

Complete?: No

This fic (with easily the longest title on this list) follows the party three years after season 4 dealing with the apocalypse while Nancy and Robin are hopelessly in love. Be warned, the fluffy start of this story belies the angst it contains.

57:

The Universe Is Inconvenient (But Sometimes Lovely) by LaceyBarbedWire

Votes: 1

Ranking: 5

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 1,103

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

A soulmark AU in which everyone has a timer counting down to when they meet their soulmate, it just so happens that Robin and Nancy’s go off during the battle of Starcourt.

58:

It’s Nice to Have a Friend by Judasofsuburbia

Votes: 1

Ranking: 6

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 18,057

Chapters: 3

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Steve ar so far in the closet that they’re getting married, but is Nancy kissing Robin on her wedding day an indicator of trouble ahead? Whatever happens, it takes at least five years of marriage to play out. There is a depiction of serious illness in this fic alongside the angst you’d expect.

59:

Picture This by Scarletperfume

Votes: 1

Ranking: 6

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 15,333

Chapters: 9

Complete?: No

Nancy is a photographer who runs into famous model Robin Buckley while taking photos one day. The two of them become ride or die in record time and cuteness ensues.

60:

Scar Tissue by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 6

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 10,245

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin compare their scars and things get heated; stories are swapped alongside spit.

61:

Crimes Against Decency in a Family Establishment by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 10,849

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin decide to duck out of school to go to family video.

62:

Does He Know You’re out (And I Want You So Bad?) by Melodicchaos

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 36,315

Chapters: 11

Complete?: Yes

Fake dating, but beards! Robin and Steve decide to fake date to get Robin’s family off her back, what they didn’t expect was that Nancy and Eddie would get very jealous.

63:

Friends Don’t Yearn Like We Do by Oaseas

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 5,889

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy reveals to Steve that she has feelings for Robin and so he decided to be the best wingman he can. A sleepover and some babycham leads to a game of truth or dare with a result all parties are happy with.

64:

I’m Burning Up (All I See Is Red) by Moonflowerdamie

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5,998

Complete?: Yes

Nancy finds out she has a previously undiscovered tendency towards jealousy, at least when it comes to Robin.

65:

Girl in New York by Midorino

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 20,302

Chapters: 7

Complete?: Yes

Nancy has a run in with Robin while tanning topless on her apartment’s balcony and vows to get to know her hot next door neighbour. Very fluffy, very cute, but the name is a misnomer; this is not set in New York.

66:

Respectability by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 20,302

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin is very invested in what clothes Nancy wears, like more than is usual.

67:

Safe In Your Mouth by Wonder Boy

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 5,076

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy is half vampire and Robin lets her drink from her, this leads to a series of revelations that culminate in clothes hitting the floor.

68:

Warm My Bones and Fill My Glass by EskaWrites

Votes: 1

Ranking: 7

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count:10,867

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy keeps pushing people away as a coping mechanism, Robin refuses to be pushed. Hurt/comfort but for emotions and PTSD.

69:

Incredibly Wholesome, Actually by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 7,151

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

There is no description I can give this that isn’t some variation of ‘Robin and Nancy have sex’. So that’s what you get.

70:

Make Me Tremble by Lumism

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 4,013

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

A five plus one fic of five things Nancy finds infuriating (cute) about Robin and one reason she wants her around anyway. Sleepovers, clothes sharing, jealousy, this textual romcom has them all.

71:

Makes Me Want To Try Her On by HooliganStyle

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 2,413

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

This fic serves as the start of Robin and Nancy’s relationship which then gets expanded on in subsequent fics in the Summer of ‘86 series. This fic has flirting, first kisses, fluff, something else that starts with F probably!

72:

Take the Money and Run by thegoodthebadandthenerdy

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 6,687

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Eddie get high and talk about their respective feelings. There’s no actual interaction with either Robin or Steve but lots of talking about both

73:

Which One Is Worse (Living or Dying First) by BeNotAfeard

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Teen and Up

Word count: 54,556

Chapters: 6

Complete?: Yes

The best description of this comes from the fic summary itself; “Nancy Wheeler has a prolonged sexuality crisis and Robin, Eddie, and Steve are there too.”

74:

You Know There’s Not Another Moment to Waste by BluejayBoi

Votes: 1

Ranking: 8

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,421

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin and Nancy are going on a lot of not-dates that are definitely dates, but surely that doesn’t mean anything. Right?

75:

Darling, Are You Ready For More? by fellintotartarus

Votes: 1

Ranking 9

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,902

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

The makeover scene we missed out on before Pennhurst. If you’ve ever seen that picture of the girl straddling someone to do her makeup, it’s that.

76:

Forgot to Be a Lover (Have Mercy) by Summersociety

Votes: 1

Ranking: 9

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 4,318

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Robin comes to visit Nancy in Boston and gets an exclusive tour of the city, shortly after she gives Nancy a tour of her own. (The tour is sex and maybe something more?)

77:

Honesuckle by Oaseas

Votes: 1

Ranking: 9

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 9,007

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

This is just smut, there’s literally nothing else I can say about this. Enjoy!

78:

Won’t Go Down In History by Mongr3l

Votes: 1

Ranking: 9

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8,153

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

The fruity four get high in Eddie’s garden and Nancy finally reads what’s on Robin’s traines; needless to say, she finds the idea of Robin going down on someone’s sister appealing.

79:

Carry You To The Coast by Smileweakandwrong

Votes: 1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 62,424

Chapters: 11

Complete?: Yes

After the battle of Starcourt, Robin and Steve decide some time to work through all their trauma and build their new friendship and so retreat to Steve’s lakeside cabin in the woods. And then after the defeat of Vecna, they go back with a whole new set of traumas and a budding relationship with Nancy to discuss. This is very much hurt/comfort.

80:

Chasing the Rabbit by freezeveganpolice

Votes:1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Unrated

Word Count: 13,189

Chapters: 1

Complete? Yes

It’s a Pacific Rim AU! I don’t know anything about Pacific Rim beside giant robots so that’s all I can tell you on that front. What I can say is that this is all about grief.

81:

If We Were Crocodiles by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Teen and Up

Word Count: 4,678

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

This is one hell of a fluff fest. Robin and Nancy always study in the library on tuesdays, something which is far more consistent and serious than any of Robin’s relationships.

82:

Tits Out For Annie Oakley by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 9,039

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Mostly smut with a side of hurt/comfort. Robin gets a surprise midnight visit from Nancy and they get to dealing with their feelings.

83:

With a Comma After Dearest by Morganski_19

Votes: 1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 46,819

Chapters: 9

Complete?: Yes

Robin is…. not doing good after what happened at Starcourt. Nancy notices and leaves a note in her locker hoping that Robin might respond. These notes are they key to a slowly developing relationship between the girls in this hurt/comfort fic.

84:

You’re Covered In Sun And I Forgot My Camera (Wishing It Was Real) by Titface

Votes: 1

Ranking: 10

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 9,042

Chapters: 1

Complete?: Yes

Nancy and Robin get high and get frisky.

[lexirambles]

Azuretime has changed my brain chemistry, so I'm going to ramble about some headcannons I have about their relationship. Hold onto your hats, this is gonna be a doozy!

The reason Two Time is always smiling is because of Azure. He always said to smile no matter what, that it makes hard times easier, that it lifts people around them up, that their smile is so, so beautiful. So they did, if anything, just to see Azure's face light up. Even after they killed him, they kept smiling. Even in purgatory, they kept smiling. It's kinda similar to Alastor's mentality on smiling. No one has ever seen Two Time's without that manic grin, only ever fading rarely when experiencing nightmares. The moment that smile breaks, the last piece of Azure that they have left will die, and then he'll really be gone. So they can never stop smiling, no matter what happens.

Azure's garden is a secret, a secret garden, if you will. The thing about cults is that they take everything that makes you an individual, everything has to involve the cult. Your relationships, your hobbies, your thoughts, your feelings. If everything you do isn't in the name of what you follow, then there's room to doubt. Azure doesn't garden because the cult wants/needs him to, he does it because it's his hobby! It's an attempt to hold onto his own individuality, to be his own person. Of course, he wants the same for his partner, so they sneak away to hang out where no one can judge them. It's where the whole "Quiet, Two Time! They're not supposed to see in here," came from. They thought it was secret, but being very close to Two Time, Amarah caught onto what they were doing. She didn't really interfere, though, as she knew Azure would be a "problem" anymore.

EVERYTHING IS AMARAH'S FAULT! She was the one that got Two Time into the cult, and served as their mentor once a member. She gave Two Time the dagger. Once she found out what they and Azure were doing, she knew it could be a very big problem. If this continued, he could convince them to stray away, or ever run away together. Well, one must take a life to gain their second, why not take out two lovebirds with one stone? She convinced Two Time of what they must do, one cannot love someone more than they love the spawn, they must get rid of him. And as we know, everything went exactly to plan. Also, I use She/Her for Amarah, I just prefer it, female villains are so much more fun. We did it with 1x, WE CAN DO IT AGAIN! Gaslight gatekeep girlboss!

Azure shows affection through gift giving. It's his way of showing that he's thinking of them and how they see him. Objects are symbols of their memories, the moments they share, and he wants to remember all of them. So whether it's a picture of them together, a pendant of The Spawn, or matching scarves, he loves giving Two Time random, useless stuff. He is very sentimental, and will keep anything Two Tiem gives them. The feeling is mutual, Two Time has a special place in their room for keeping all of Azure's gifts.

Two time is very physically affectionate, but only with Azure. They're always holding hands, brushing against each other, holding each other, touching the other's face, smooching galore! But they're only like this around Azure, they're pretty jumpy if anyone else tries to touch them. But with Azure? Full body hugs! Two time is also very small, especially when compared to Azure, who is pretty built. So they just get ABSORBED into Azure when they cuddle! In Forsaken, they are very touch starved, but doesn't feel comfortable being touched by any of the other survivors. Part of them don't think they deserve to be loved like that again... In fact, they actually enjoy being attacked/killed by Azurewrath, just to be touched by him again.

Azure loves tea! His favorites are floral teas, of course. He'll hold lil tea party dates in their secret garden with Two Time. He is on a personal quest to try EVERY SINGLE TEA THAT EVER EXISTS! He's even made his own blends. Are they good? No one knows! Two Time doesn't have the heart. Two Time's favorite is earl grey.

I see Two Time is AFAB, again because there are like NO WOMEN IN THIS GAME! Thus, they are inflicted with The Blood Curse (we all know.) Azure immediately enters Caretaker Mode every time. He'll take over their duties, get them chocolates, tea, a heating pad, and something for the cramps. They 100% have tried using their own period blood for a blood sacrifice and got scolded for it!

In similar regard, Two Time has a VERY high pain tolerance. They kind of have to, with how painful the second life process is, all the blood ledding rituals, and dying over and over again indefinitely. They has definitely creeped the other survivors out with this. They can break their own arm and not even flinch. They've ran off with greivous injuries they didn't even notice were there. Pain is no deterrent for them, and he holds no fear of death, making them incredibly reckless with absolutely no regard for their physical health. While certainly not to the same degree, before being Forsaken, Two time was still very durable and completely uneffected by pain. Azure would often be the one to nurse their wounds and keep them from throwing themselves into something too dangerous and getting hurt. They have absolutely tried to eat an extremely poisonous plant Azure was growing and had to be stopped.

ALRIGHT! That's all I got in me for today. Honestly sounds fun to just write a line of episodic one shots with all these ideas, but that's a project for another day. Enjoy your fluff and angst, fellow Azuretime shippers!

[mayhemchicken-varneyposting]

Varney the Vampire, Chapter 40: Exeunt Pursued By A Mob

[Previous chapter] [Next chapter]

The mob reaches Varney's house and search it from top to bottom, while his servants, as well as Chillingworth, look on helplessly. When they don't find him, they turn around to go back to town, but are intercepted by a random shepherd boy who tells them a savior has been born in Bethlehem he has seen Varney in the woods, and they immediately change course.

Henry and Marchdale go to meet the mob and find out what's got them all riled up. Chillingworth explains to them that he has let slip that Varney is suspected of being a vampire, and the mob enthusiastically yells their intentions to catch Varney and stake him. Henry tells the mob that he does not want anybody staked on his account, and that he is very disappointed in all of them. Several people tell Henry that this has nothing to do with him; they're here to kill the vampire before he attacks any more people. They then run off to search the woods.

Henry and his friends watch from the edge of the woods, and talk about how terrible it would be if Varney was caught and killed by the mob, rather than killed fairly and honorably in a duel. Just then, Varney comes running out of the woods at top speed, with the mob in hot pursuit. The admiral directs Jack Pringle to stop the leading pursuer, which he does by running into him and knocking him over.

Chillingworth, who had been attempting to follow the pursuit but was unable to keep up, emerges from the woods and catches up with Henry and the others, who tell him what happened at the duel he missed. They resolve that, despite having been dead set on killing him minutes prior, they are going to attempt to save Varney from the mob, and head into town for backup.

Meanwhile, Varney makes a beeline for the ruins of Monk's Hall. The mob follow him, but when they reach the ruins he appears to have disappeared without a trace. When a thorough search of the ruins turns up nothing, they decide to leave, but leave behind a lookout in case Varney does turn out to be hiding somewhere they missed. However, no one wants to be the person who stays behind, and in the end none of them do.

The true villain of this book is here. In a literal sense, it's the mob, but more accurately it is the fear, ignorance, and superstition which fuels them. I've written before on this topic; it is one of the principal themes underpinning the text. In this chapter, we see the primary manifestation of this theme laid out before us, and the contradictory way ignorance and knowledge are framed by the text.

Human nature truly delights in the marvellous, and in proportion as a knowledge of the natural phenomena of nature is restricted, and unbridled imagination allowed to give the rein to fathomless conjecture, we shall find an eagerness likewise to believe the marvellous to be the truth.

The people comprising the mob are uneducated and ignorant; this, in turn, makes them superstitious, and their superstition leads in turn to violence and chaos. Lack of knowledge is, therefore, a bad thing. And yet:

...we blame Mr. Chillingworth for being so indiscreet as to communicate the secret of such a person as Varney the vampyre to his wife...

Spreading information is also bad. This is the same author who thinks gaslighting people is good actually. One would think that the solution to ignorance causing mass panic would be to educate the populace, but this is not how Rymer thinks. In his worldview, certain people are almost innately uneducated, and efforts to remedy their ignorance only make the problem worse. The mob rebuffs all efforts to explain the situation; the only new information they absorb is that which reinforces their beliefs. It is clear that the only solution which exists in the author's head is that the townsfolk had never learned the rumor of a vampire at all. His thesis, here, is that ignorant people must be kept ignorant, because they cannot be trusted to correctly interpret information.

Under such circumstances, ignorant people always do what they have heard has been done by some one else before them and in an incredibly short space of time the propriety of catching Sir Francis Varney, depriving him of his vampyre-like existence, and driving a stake through his body, became not at all a questionable proposition.

...All of which is ludicrous to present in a narrative where the core central conceit is that vampires are real. Please tell me again, in this novel which opens with a graphic description of a vampire attack, why the actions of the townsfolk should be considered at all unreasonable.

Chillingworth spends this whole chapter lamely following the mob around, attempting to convince them to put down their pitchforks and go home. You would think, given the sentiments he has expressed earlier in the text, that his arguments would consist primarily of reasons why Sir Francis Varney is not a vampire, and vampires are not real. Would you believe, then, that this never once comes up?

"You are wrong. I assure you, you are all wrong," said Mr. Chillingworth, imploringly; "there is no vampyre here, you see. Sir Francis Varney has not only escaped, but he will take the law of all of you."

Why are you conceding the possibility that Varney is a vampire, dude, whatever happened to "vampires aren't real and I wouldn't believe in them if one bit me"?

At the beginning of the chapter, we receive some very "citation needed" facts about vampires and vampire-like creatures in other cultures.

The ghoul of eastern nations is but the same being, altered to suit habits and localities; and the sema of the Scandinavians is but the vampyre of a more primitive race...

I cannot for the life of me figure out where he got the word "sema" from. I assume he is thinking of the draugr, but can see no way for him to have gotten "sema" out of that, unless he literally made up a term because he didn't know what they were called.

Rymer depicts the mob as a sort of separate entity in its own right, at once more brutal and more stupid than the sum of its parts, though equally as cowardly. You can really taste his contempt for the working class. He gets in a little misogynist dig, too.

Men and women were mixed indiscriminately together, and in the shouting, the latter, if such a thing were possible, exceeded the former, both in discordance and energy.

The social order has broken down, and it is lower-class women who head the rising tide of Hobbesian chaos. Their gossip spreads and inflames the vampire rumor, and their action (contrasted to the upper-class Flora's virtuous passivity) drives the mob's vicious appetites.

"Drive a stake through him," said a woman; "it's the only way, and the humanest. You've only to take a hedge stake and sharpen it a bit at one end, and char it a little in the fire so as there mayt'n't be no splinters to hurt, and then poke it through his stomach."

Within the mob, individual voices are amplified, lending them power. In this story, however, the power of collective action is firmly negative, with the hollered suggestions of the crowd functioning as a sort of blind animal impulse which leads them from one violent act to the next. This will become more and more evident as we move ahead in the story, and the mob violence escalates further and further.

"He's in the town somewhere," cried one. "Let's go back to the town." It is strange how suddenly any mob will obey any impulse, and this perfectly groundless supposition was sufficient to turn their steps back again in the direction whence they came,

At this early stage, however, it is hard to find fault with these people, despite Rymer's best efforts to portray them as ignorant and savage. Henry assumes the mob must have rallied on his behalf, but they don't care about him:

"Oh, to be sure," said the humane woman; "nobody's feelings is nothing to us. Are we to be woke up in the night with vampyres sucking our bloods while we've got a stake in the country?"

This is, I think, a very understandable motivation. Vampires in folklore are bad fucking news. Are they really going to put themselves, their livestock, and their children at risk simply because the vampire in question is very good at playing gentleman? Recollect, also, that Henry JUST got done trying to kill Varney, and indeed our heroes have shot at him many times. Apparently when rich people try to kill a vampire, it's virtuous self defense, but when poor people try it, it's vicious barbarism.

From here on out, Varney rapidly becomes more and more sympathetic. It is hard to say which comes first in this chicken-and-egg scenario: whether Rymer introduced the mob as a convenient way to make the heroes sympathize with Varney, or whether Varney's defanging as a villain (no pun intended) is meant to highlight the monstrosity of the mob.

"What a strange mixture," exclaimed Marchdale, "of feelings and passions this Varney appears to be. At one moment acting with the apparent greatest malignity; and another, seeming to have awakened in his mind a romantic generosity which knows no bounds. I cannot understand him."

It is fascinating to me how the mob are othered in a way Varney, the literal monster, never is. Varney is humanized throughout the text, even while he is biting people and committing crimes, but the mob--well, they are presented as both an overwhelming and deadly force of evil, and also as cowardly, impotent, and stupid, which is the exact blend of contradictory characteristics used by fascists and conspiracy theorists to other their targets of fear and hatred.

Yet what danger could there be? there were they, more than half a hundred stout, strong men, to cope with one; they felt convinced that he was completely in their power; they knew the ruins could not hide him, and that five minutes time given to the task, would suffice to explore every nook and corner of them. And yet they hesitated, while an unknown terror shook their nerves, and seemingly from the very fact that they had run down their game successfully, they dreaded to secure the trophy of the chase.

Any voice would have sufficed to break the spell which bound them. This did so; and, with one accord, and yells of imprecation, they rushed forward and plunged among the old walls of the ruin. [...] It was astonishing how the fact of not finding him in a moment, again roused all their angry feelings against him, and dispelled every feeling of superstitious awe with which he had been surrounded; rage gave place to the sort of shuddering horror with which they had before contemplated his immediate destruction, when they had believed him to be virtually within their very grasp.

The mob slingshots back and forth between rage and fear. Rage spurs them impulsively forward, and so long as their rage produces results, they will keep on moving; but as soon as they encounter an obstacle, fear sets in, and they will retreat unless some voice within their ranks gives a suggestion or rallying cry which can rekindle their rage once more. At the end of this chapter, having failed to find Varney's hiding place within the ruins, the mob slink fearfully away, milling about uncertainly nearby until a lone voice gives them an actionable suggestion:

"Now, my good friends, I propose that we all appear to give it up, and to go away; but that some one of us shall remain and hide among the ruins for some time, to watch, in case the vampyre makes his appearance from some hole or corner that we haven't found out."

Spurred into action by this plan, the mob leaves en masse; but none of them, including the man who volunteered the suggestion, are brave enough to stay behind, and the ruin is ultimately left unguarded.

Next: The chapter that launched 50k words of fanfiction

[lesbian-robots]

Megatron and Optimus Prime, Transformers One (2024)

Richard Silken, Litany in Which Things Are Crossed Out // Alicia Ostriker, In the Twenty-Fifth Year of Marriage, it Goes On // The Mountain Goats, Oceanographer's Choice // Maggie Stiefvater, Blue Lily, Lily Blue // The Mountain Goats, Alpha Rats Nest

[cluescorner]

The most important thing about a Megatron ship is that it cannot end well.

[sidesteppostinghours]

pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.

[seventh-district]

Are you sad? Are you miserable? Is your life falling apart? Is your body falling apart? Does your head feel like it’s full of cotton, or perhaps TV static? Does it feel like the world is crumbling around you? Is it getting harder to force yourself through the daily motions? Is happiness getting increasingly harder to find?

Why not consider making a large, hyperfixation-fueled impulse purchase?

They won’t tell you this, but all of the happiness and satisfaction you’re searching for, along with each of those little chemicals that make your brain feel good, are all hidden within your very next large, hyperfixation-fueled impulse purchase!

So why don’t you go on ahead and grab that credit card, throw caution to the wind, and chase that good feeling? You certainly won’t regret it. No one has ever regretted making a large, hyperfixation-fueled impulse purchase! Never!

[batw1nggg]

ughhhh my biggesttt pet peeve is when a postgame komahina fic uses izuru as like. a convenient excuse for angst instead of putting genuine thought into his existence and what it means. the amount of “i want hajime to be an unrealistically massive dick to komaeda unprompted… oh i know ill just make him go izuru mode”s and “komaedas only with izuru because he misses hajime and thats the only purpose izuru functions”s ive seen otherwise really good kmkmhn authors pull is genuinely devastating

[strike-another-match]

Thank you for the tag @birdmenmanga I love these games!!! Tagging @just-some-random-blogger @disinherited-dornishman @deadonyouraccount and anyone else who wants to do it!!

answers under cut bc i know i'll ramble lmao. edit from the future: this was so much fun to writeeee

coffee shop or florist

hmm i tend not to like either for it's own sake like there has to be something else going on to catch my interest, but if i were to write one of these i'd pick florist because the vibes are more relaxed and it ties in very nicely with the kind of poirot-style murder mystery plots i tend to enjoy

au or fix-it

i'm "my country right or wrong" when it comes to canon, if it came from the same writers' pen i just cannot unsee it once i have seen it, if i really hate the direction something takes i would rather drop it, and if i'm too attached or too involved in the fandom to drop it i'll just find a way to work with it in fic

enemies to lovers or childhood friends

i really never understood childhood friends, maybe because i feel like i was barely sentinent as a child lmao like i just don't associate any childhood memory with anything remotely related to romance or even friendship? idk i was literally playing with mud and catching frogs i was just not thinking about feelings... i do get enemies to lovers though because i tend to grow a soft spot for the people i butt heads with suuuuper quickly like hey that's blorbo from my rants <3 blorbo from my headache

angst or fluff

for me one needs the other... fluff doesn't really hit without angst but angst doesn't really hit without fluff either... they exist in balance

love at first sight or pining

i dont have the systems to understand love at first sight like i cannot comprehend that kind of thought... after a brief meeting perhaps but not at first sight??? i don't like it when it draws out forever either though unless there's like a very good reason

modern au or historical au

hmmm no strong preference, though its fun to talk about putting the characters in different settings i normally see characters as belonging to their setting for a reason so i normally operate within the setting. that being said modern aus for period or scifantasy settings come a lot more easily to me than historical aus for modern settings so modern au wins

break up & make up or proposal & wedding

break up and make up is a repeat offender in shows i've watched, you know when writers don't know what to do with an established couple so it's just break up and make up over and over again? i do love proposals (when they're used to like, really drive home the point of how much a character has grown maybe) but i like them even better if they're not in the context of marriage... something that might bind the characters together more than marriage ever could... let's do a heist together, let's kill someone together, etc.

get together or established relationship

i am a huge fan of get together but that being my favourite tv romance i've ever witnessed with my eyes is tomshiv so i guess i prefer writing get together but i prefer watching established relationship if 👆 it's falling apart. my absolute favourite though is the combination of both, a marriage that's falling apart right as they meet a new third person that's either going to finally implode it or be the one thing that can fix it like i will slurp that up and be praying at the altar iykyk (i just realised actually this is also tomshiv + greg... but obviously i was thinking of jim jade and tabitha)

soulmates or unrequited

i am unfortunately battle trained in the ways of haterism for the soulmate aus, i cannot stand the idea of it being decided for you who you will like or who you are supposed to get with, it sounds like my worst nightmare in every possible way, but i can understand why other people with different life experiences might like it. unrequited makes me sad though im a weak bitchhhh but i will write it for sideplots because i am also evil

fake dating or secret dating

once again kinda neither omfg how picky can i be? maybe i don't see the appeal of fake dating because my comphet relationships kinda felt like fake dating so secret dating wins? then again i pretty much avoid fake dating so maybe if i read some i would see the angle/appeal, i might just be hating it for the idea i made up in my head of what i thought it'd be

obvious pining or domestic fluff

both can work for me but it has to be in specific contexts for example i love the idea of characters who don't feel at home in their own homes making a home of their own in some unconventional situation (specially if they both know it can't last yk but the moment they're hit with the feeling of oh so this is what having a home feels like while also knowing they're about to lose it is like a drug to me) but if its just like ikea catalogue middle class stable life then idc like i need my characters to be suffering at a significant level at all times or i disengage

hurt/comfort or crack

i am literally the hurt/comfort bitch like literally everything i write and read is hurt/comfort if nothing is happening im like someone should drop a door on these ppl make them bleed a little idk like this is pretty much synonymous with fic for me i just exist within the bounds of hurt/comfort i cannot deny my nature like if no one is getting physically hurt and/or emotionally devastated i am just not clicking that link. all my characters will be half conscious and delirious in their lover's arms at least once

meet the parents or meet cute

meet the parents but like predictably only if they're abusive, it has to go horribly wrong like shit has to go down or at least give the partner/future partner character an "oh shit" moment to explain why the other character is the way they are. like it can't be "i want you to meet my parents <3" it has to be more like "oh shit my dad's here". i love subverted meet cutes where there's a terrible first impression too though... i love meet uglies

tagged by @starlightweave thank you ^___^

bold for what I love!

coffee shop or florist (hit me up with flowers language) | au or fix-it (I mean. Both can be true. And by "fix-it-" it also mean "i do not want to see this happening in canon but in fanon it's interesting) | enemies to lovers or childhood friends (I'M A BITCH FOR THIS) | angst or fluff (WHY NOT BOTH) | love at first sight or pining | modern au or historical au (look. I already do alternate-world thing in my original stories and it's taking enough researches like this, the rest I'm making things up) | break up & make up or proposal & wedding (hayyyy what do you mean this is a logic suite of events) | get together or established relationship (gestures wildly at Jahan x Scarlett IN YOUR OPINION) | soulmates or unrequited (unrequited that turn requited) | fake dating or secret dating (i'll admit that, i wrote fake dating for work, and I absolutely do not get it) | obvious pining or domestic fluff (shit the idea of your OTP just taking a coffee together and both standing by the railroad and looking at the sun rise...idzahioja) | hurt/comfort or crack (BOTH. AND SOMETIMES ONE CAN TURN INTO THE OTHER.) | meet the parents or meet cute (no i'm sorry have you seen the look of most parents in fiction, i prefer meet cute)

tagging : @tynithia @desfraisespartout @heyhopperart (I CHALLENGE YOU TO MULAN/SY) @revoleotion @gemmababbler

[docmerlin]

sometimes i think i've been too radicalized but then i find an RA resource spreadsheet that claims heterosexuality isn't legitimate & that we should be anti- gay marriage because marriage is inherently coercive and we need not conform

and i go oh okay. maybe i'm not that bad

[waywardsalt]

in post-ph specifically a really old idea ive had is that linebeck is extremely, extremely possessive of his coat, but if in a situation where he fears he might actually die, he gives it to the person he trusts to save him, or he gives it to someone he cares about that seems to be on the brink of death

[teaboot]

Mean things I can’t tell my least-favourite coworker cause it would be hurtful and I’d feel bad

Sometimes the things you get worked up and angry about are so utterly inconsequential that they make me imagine a time before written language where I may have been carried off and eaten by leopards as a small child, and I feel a kind of strange longing

Do you ever want more from life or is this genuinely it for you

You give off the perpetual aura of a distant relative’s small and untrained dog which may either let you pet it or suddenly maul you with little to no warning at the drop of a hat and because of this whenever I see you nearby I can feel my asscheeks clench so if you could maybe wear a hat or vest of some kind to indicate whether or not you are in a bad mood I would greatly appreciate it

I have difficulty imagining you as a child. You are entirely without wonder or whimsy. I imagine you once broke off as a slab of granite from the side of a mountain and slid into an employment office where you remained for years until someone dressed you in a uniform as a joke and brought you to life exactly as you are like an irritable corporate Frosty the Snowman

My determination to treat others with kindness confronted with your determination to see only the worst in all my actions constantly forces me to reevaluate my moral principals in a way that is much like a crisis of religious faith, as though your existence were a tangible proof that God was never real

I cannot imagine that you are happy the way that you are. I want to believe that you are, but all evidence available indicates otherwise. Are you like this because you are suffering, or are you suffering because you are like this

Do you ever wonder about life beyond our constructed social prison. Do you ever find yourself gazing skyward in the rain. Have you ever felt tempted to get off the bus in the middle of nowhere on your way to work just to see what happens

I am glad that you are older than me because I think that if I wait long enough you may retire so I no longer have to work with you without something terrible happening to either of us

Do you ever think about how you’re gonna die someday or do you just perpetually live in the precise moment wherein whatever obstacle in front of you is at once both entirely novel and the most infuriating thing in all of existence, like a baby with no object permanence trapped in a revolving door

I’m going to be near you for the minimal amount of time required to accomplish this one task and if you could just pretend I don’t exist for that duration I think we’d both prefer that

[echo-exco]

❝DOCTOR I CAN’T TELL IF I’M NOT ME.❞

୨⎯ ┊BATFAM X NEGLECTED!HEALER!READER ꒱

✰ ৎ──────SYPNOPSIS: all you ever wanted was a purpose. something that would give meaning to your existence, your power. healing others was the only thing that ever made you feel alive, needed… until you ended up in that awful place.

✰ ৎ────── masterlist. | next.

There is only one thing you ever truly wished for in this life: a purpose.

Something that would justify your existence, that would give meaning to every breath, every wound, every sleepless night.

And you found it. Not in an empty promise or in the affection of others. You found it in your own power.

A selfish desire, yes, but undeniably yours. A purpose born not out of love, but out of need.

From that strange power growing inside you, the one that forced you to look at others’ suffering with cold, almost cynical eyes. As if every wound were a problem only you could solve. As if every scream of pain were a prayer meant solely for you.

You clung to that.

To the idea that your worth existed only in your abilities.

The ability to stop someone from dying in front of you. To rip death from their body with your own hands. To stitch broken flesh with threads that hurt, yes, but worked. That was the only thing that ever made you feel alive. The only thing that ever made you feel alive, needed.

For a while, it was enough.

For a long while, you were selfish.

It didn’t matter if they used you. It didn’t matter if it hurt. If every healing left another scar on you. If every salvation cost you a little more of the little you had left.

As long as you could keep doing it—healing, fixing, protecting— the price didn’t matter.

Because at the end of the day, you could lie down on that mattress of emptiness and tell yourself: “Today, I made it worth it.”

Your existence and your power meant something.

Of course, you didn’t have a mother to share secrets with, nor guardians who offered you love. Only faces that came and went, and the bitter understanding that you were just another burden in a broken system.

Until, by some twisted stroke of fate, you had the “pleasure” of meeting your biological father.

Bruce Wayne.

Billionaire. Philanthropist. Playboy.

Batman.

Even so, none of that really mattered to you. What truly hit you was learning that you had to leave everything behind and go to Gotham.

That cursed city, that concrete jungle drowned in darkness and crime. Where dreams go to die and bodies, if they’re lucky, go to sleep.

Gotham wasn’t a home. It was a prison for someone like you.

A place where meta-humans like you were enemies, threats, problems to be contained.

Your power, your only purpose, was stripped away with nothing more than a change of zip code.

And that was the cruelest part of all.

Not being able to use it.

Not being able to save.

Not being able to be useful.

Your existence, reduced to ashes, like the bodies of those you didn’t reach in time.

It must be poetic, right? The healer who cannot heal. The savior without faith.

They hate you. You've felt it. That visceral resentment from those who survived because of you, but still blame you for what you couldn’t stop. Screams, stares, choked pleas— all of them pierced your soul deeper than any weapon ever could.

For someone who once swore to save lives, it’s only natural that those you vowed and wanted to save now express their utter disgust and despair toward the false, horrific salvation you once offered them.

And now? Now you live among strangers.

An immense mansion full of absences. With brothers who seemingly don’t recognize you, and a father who doesn’t see you.

Your arrival in Gotham wasn’t exactly ideal, at least, that’s how you think you remember it.

It’s hard for you to remember that moment. You don’t hold on to unnecessary memories… none of it will make you feel alive again.

Apparently, your new father figure has several children. Some of them are already adults. With lives of their own far from the mansion, you don’t know much about them, they were almost always too busy to say anything to you.

You can’t understand them, can’t they come up with better excuses? You don’t want these people’s attention.

These people can’t help you with your abilities. They can’t make you believe you’re still allowed to use them freely.

No, these people are just strangers who stumbled into your life overnight and want nothing to do with the problem. Not even your new father had the decency or responsibility to try forming a bond with you.

Bruce Wayne was an absent father. Not in the way someone leaves and disappears completely, but in the kind of absence that feels stronger the closer the person is. A hollow physical presence, like a ghost made of flesh and bone. One who could look you in the eyes and still not see you.

He struggled to communicate, to make time for you, to even remember that there was now one more occupied room in that massive mansion of his.

He doesn’t know how to deal with you, and you don’t know how to deal with him either. At first, you wondered if the problem was you. If you had done something wrong. If the way you talked, walked—even breathed, was so bothersome that he’d rather bury himself in work than give you an hour of his time.

But soon, you realized something even crueler: You don’t need a father. You’re not looking for one. You’re not waiting for one.

What you need is a patient. Someone you can heal. Someone who needs you.

Because that’s what you’ve always done. Heal. And Bruce… Bruce simply refuses to be healed.

But he doesn’t understand.

When you approach him, when you seek him out, when you try to speak to him, all he does is throw up a wall made of cold words, as practical and impersonal as that damn business suit of his.

“I’m busy.”

“Not now.”

“We’ll talk later.”

“It’s for work.”

Always the same. Always excuses with the bitter taste of indifference.

Is this what having a father is supposed to feel like? Because if it is, then it doesn’t feel any different from your days in foster care.

At least there, you knew you were alone. Here, they make you believe you’re not… but you are, more than ever.

You’ve learned to observe the details, as always. It’s one of the few things you’re good at, aside from using your power.

You notice the tired look in his eyes, the dark circles underneath, the way his fingers tense around his pen like he’s trying to crush it. The stack of papers on his desk never gets smaller, it’s like it multiplies just to keep you at a distance.

And the subtle changes… that lower tone in his voice when he sees you, like he can’t even be bothered to raise it for you. The way his eyebrows furrow, not out of anger, just… annoyance. Irritation.

That’s what hurt the most.

So you stopped trying. Because if you kept going, you were only going to be reprimanded by the one you were supposed to please. You convinced yourself that you don’t need his approval. That you don’t need his love. That you’re better off without him.

But then, why is it that every time you walk past his office, you pause for a second, hoping that door opens, just once, without you knocking first?

Why do you still need him to see you?

Richard Grayson is the eldest. The first adopted son of Bruce Wayne. Everyone sees him as a beacon of hope, the moral compass of this family made of shadows and scars. And it makes sense. He has that bright smile, that genuine warmth the others can barely fake. He gives out hugs without being asked, listens patiently, laughs easily, and has that absurd gift of making anyone feel seen, at least, if you’re one of his.

Because with you, it was always different.

From the beginning, Richard seemed kind. Seemed. But between that warmth and you, there was always a distance, like someone had drawn a curtain between the two of you. You heard his apologies more than you heard his actual voice.

“Sorry, I have to head out right now.”

“Sorry, I was already on my way to Blüdhaven.”

“Next time, I promise.”

He was always rushing. Always busy. Always somewhere else. And you… you’re not someone who believes in empty promises.

At first, you thought it was just bad luck. That maybe if you insisted a little, if you found an excuse, if you caught him in the kitchen, he might stay for five minutes. Just five. But those minutes never came. And you started to notice a pattern. How his demeanor shifted the moment you walked into the room. How his smile became more diplomatic. More rehearsed. How his footsteps sped up when he thought you weren’t watching.

You didn’t want to admit it at first, but something inside you began to whisper an uncomfortable truth; He was avoiding you.

And then you understood. If Richard Grayson, the kindest, the most human, the most "big brother" of them all, couldn’t be around you, then what was the point of trying with the others? What could you possibly expect from Jason, who barely speaks to you? From Tim, who seems more invested in his computer than in actual people? From Damian, who can barely tolerate his own shadow?

So you did the same.

You avoided them. One by one.

You decided it wasn’t worth it. That if you weren’t going to be a real part of this family, you weren’t going to pretend.

It’s easier that way. It doesn’t hurt as much if you’re the one walking away first.

But sometimes, when you see them laughing together from the staircase, or hear Richard speaking so fondly of the others, a part of you wonders if it was ever really your choice to walk away, or if they’d been leaving you behind from the very beginning.

Your suspicions didn’t take long to confirm. All it took was talking to a few of your supposed brothers to realize the pattern repeated itself.

Jason, Tim, Damian…

Each one was a story unto themselves. Each one was a maze of traumas, masks, and poorly calibrated emotional responses. But if you had to describe them in one word, it would be: inaccessible.

The second of your brothers was Jason, and from what little you could gather, because no one seemed eager to talk about it much, Jason had died. And then he came back. It wasn’t a metaphor. It wasn’t an exaggeration. He had been buried, and now he was not. That simple statement was enough to provoke a morbid curiosity, almost scientific. What had changed in his body? Did he suffer from partial necrosis? Brain damage? Did his muscles regenerate? What residual effects did resurrection have on human physiology? Everything in you screamed to investigate. To dissect. To understand.

It was a dangerous thought. You knew that. You repeated it to yourself like a mantra: too tempting for your own good.

But what confused you the most wasn’t his condition, it was his behavior toward you. Jason had this aura of latent violence, like dynamite that could explode with the wrong spark. But that wasn’t what kept you away. Not entirely. It was his inexplicable rejection.

You didn’t understand it. You didn’t provoke him. You didn’t talk to him, you didn’t interfere, you didn’t cross the line. And yet, his gaze was always sharp. As if your mere presence triggered something in him. Irritation. Annoyance. Maybe even disdain.

You wondered if it was your fault. If the way you were, the way you spoke, the way you were, simply bothered him. But you couldn’t find an answer. And though you wanted to, you knew that getting closer would be too risky.

Because you’ve seen the broken walls. The misaligned doors. The tables split in two like they were made of paper. You’ve felt the tension in the air when Jason enters a room and isn’t in the mood. And you know, without needing confirmation, that his punches aren’t soft. That his rage doesn’t distinguish between the guilty and the witnesses.

So, you avoid him.

Not out of fear exactly, but out of caution. Self-preservation. You don’t want to be the next crack in the walls of this house.

Tim was a different kind of strange. More than Jason, though in a completely different way. His oddity didn’t stem from aggression or visible trauma. It was more subtle. More internal.

Almost clinical.

You observed him, like you observe everything. With that gaze of yours that searches for patterns, inconsistencies, vulnerabilities. And in him, you found many.

Surprisingly, Tim was brilliant. Not just "smart for his age," but one of those cases where the brain moves faster than the body. Too fast. So much so, that sometimes it seemed like his body gave up halfway through.

The dark circles under his eyes were a constant. His responses were slow, as if they had to pass through a filter of a thousand thoughts before being verbalized. He walked like his mind was too heavy for his spine to carry. A shadow carrying ideas. You were surprised he hadn’t fainted yet from the combination of insomnia, chronic stress, and mild malnutrition.

No one asked you.

No one thanked you.

But still, you started leaving him food. Food that could sustain him without causing a stomach collapse. Nothing too obvious, of course. A yogurt here. Cut fruits there.

Something easy to eat between keystrokes. You allied yourself with Alfred in that small act of silent intervention. The old butler seemed to notice, but he never mentioned it. And you never confirmed it.

Tim would probably assume it was all Alfred’s doing. In fact, you counted on it.

Not because you wanted to keep it a secret. But because you knew that if he suspected you were behind something so... "thoughtful," it would only make him uncomfortable. He doesn’t know how to respond to care, to the intention behind such detail. Tim doesn’t know how to handle it if that sincere gesture comes from you.

Just like you would if any of them ever tried it with you.

Alfred... Alfred is a different matter.

Of all the people in the house, he’s the only one who acts like your existence isn’t a miscalculation. But he doesn’t fool himself. He doesn’t offer you love, or tenderness. He offers you structure. Routine. Measured phrases and cups of tea.

It’s not affection between you.

It’s a sort of tacit alliance.

Two functional people in the middle of a broken ecosystem.

You know he tries. But you also know it’s not enough for you.

You’ve seen children like you. In hospitals. In refugee camps. In temporary homes. Children who cling to an adult figure as if their life depended on it, and are then destroyed when that figure leaves. Or worse, when they stay but stop looking.

You don’t want that for yourself.

You convince yourself this is better. A working relationship. A dynamic where each one fulfills their role and no one crosses the line into the personal. Because if you get attached, if you let yourself believe this could mean something...

You know how that ends. They can’t give you what you’re looking for.

They can’t give you purpose.

They can’t return what was taken from you when you understood that your value only exists if you can heal, if you can serve, if you can be useful.

You still don’t know who you are when you’re none of that.

Back to the subject of your "family," the last on the list of who your siblings were, was Damian.

The youngest of the group. The second biological son of Bruce Wayne.

You said it out loud once, casually: "Ah, so he is the real one."

No one found it funny.

Unlike the others, Damian didn’t need time to show you that you weren’t welcome. He didn’t bother to fake courtesy or neutrality. From the beginning, he made it clear that your existence was expendable.

Maybe it was your silence. Maybe it was your lack of reaction to his provocations. Maybe he just didn’t like you. But he pointed his katana at you the first month you arrived.

The blade against your neck wasn’t a metaphor. It was real, cold, intimidating contact. You felt a thread of power activate instinctively in your body, a reflex of defense, of desperation. If you had let it go, well, you wouldn’t be here, mentally recalling this account.

You didn’t. Not for him. For you.

Because it wasn’t worth it. Because using your power on someone in your “family” would mean admitting they were important enough to hurt you.

They weren’t. Not yet.

You can’t risk being discovered. No one can know that you actually have this power. None of them can know.

Bruce appeared just in time to prevent the confrontation from escalating. Did he protect you? Not exactly. He simply said something like, “Damian has a complicated history,” as if that justified a death threat in the family kitchen.

Is it common in Gotham to justify a child’s homicidal impulses if they've had a difficult childhood?

That was your question. You didn’t ask it out loud. No one would have liked the answer.

It was also that day you found out that Damian was Bruce’s biological son. And you couldn’t help but think about the irony of it all.

The same Bruce Wayne who, in the public eye, was a scandalous figure, a charming, charismatic playboy billionaire with endless parties, had exactly one biological child. One. Not five. Not a legion of illegitimate children scattered across the world. Just one.

That kid turned out to be a ticking time bomb with a traditional sword.

Everything fit so perfectly wrong that it almost seemed planned.

With the girls, it's complicated. Maybe even more so because, deep down, a part of you thought they could be different.

Stephanie. She was like a female version of Richard, a constant smile, a vibrant energy that everyone seemed to adore, except you.

She greeted you with empty enthusiasm, one that never went beyond the surface. It was easy to see that behind her good mood, there was a locked door she wasn’t going to open for you.

And you understood. Because you'd seen it before.

People who act as if everyone is welcome, except you.

Stephanie was just another confirmation that no matter how hard you tried to fit in, this home was already full. You weren’t in the original plan. You never were.

Barbara, on the other hand, was simpler. She was hardly ever at the mansion. You’d see her sporadically, a red ghost in the shadows of fleeting visits. And still, in that limited time, she always found a way to smile at others, share a joke, a quick conversation, a knowing glance… Never with you.

Not once.

It was as if your presence went by unnoticed, not even worth including out of courtesy.

Cassandra was the most honest, in a way. She didn’t pretend. She didn’t smile. She didn’t speak.

She ignored your attempts to help with almost admirable efficiency. You could attribute it to her trauma, her history, her way of seeing the world… but that excuse starts to wear thin when it’s the only one left to justify everything.

Maybe you’re just not interesting. Maybe you don’t even stand out enough to be actively rejected.

Or is it because you don’t even deserve her attention?

It was easier to believe that they all had a reason not to see you.

Easier than admitting that maybe, you weren’t that hard to ignore.

What was dangerous about this family wasn’t the weapons, nor the katanas, nor the fists that had broken ribs more than once.

It was the mask.

It took you time to understand it. First, it was a hunch. Then a suspicion. Finally, a certainty: they were all vigilantes. Heroes of Gotham. The same ones who make your hands tremble when you try to use your power. The ones who make your gift feel useless. As if it were a mistake rather than a blessing.

The irony is so perfect it could almost make you laugh.

You can’t feel useful, can’t do the one thing you know how to do perfectly, because you’re surrounded by those who fight so that people and beings like you are neither necessary nor welcome.

And yet, you prefer them this way.

Cold. Distant. Detached. Unknown. Because connections are dangerous. Because memories weigh. Because at some point, someone taught you that affection is the hook that precedes the pain.

Because you know it better than anyone. When you get attached to someone, it’s not just pain that you feel when you lose them. It’s as if a part of you dies too. Not because you lose them, but because without your power, without that “usefulness,” you feel like you never deserved to have them in the first place.

In Gotham, you can’t do anything.

You can't heal.

You can't save.

You can't be useful.

You can't be loved. Or at least, that’s what they taught you to believe.

Here, you have no parts left that you can afford to lose. Not while you're trapped in this city that doesn’t need what you can give. A family that doesn't know what to do with you. You don’t know what to do with yourself either.

They can’t give you a purpose.

They never could.

They didn’t even try.

You expected so little, that not even that surprised you.

Until you found him.

The only living person who not only recognized your power, but accepted it for what you wanted it to be:

A miracle.

He called himself Doctor Masashi. A kind voice, a serene figure. But behind that calmness was surgical precision. He knew exactly how to shape you. How to rebuild you, only to destroy you again with elegance.

He was the only one who never lied to you about what you were:

A weapon.

A tool.

A precious jewel that only shines when it bleeds for others.

A perfect puppet.

And you, grateful for the strings.

He gave you direction when all you had was guilt.

He gave you structure when all you had was emptiness.

He gave you… meaning. A cruel meaning. A conditioned meaning. But still, you took it.

It can't be that bad, right?

Clinging to that.

Clinging to him.

Clinging to something that tells you that you can still be "something."

Because if someone, even just one person, can look at you and say that you are good for something, then you're not broken.

Then you're not alone. Then everything that hurt was worth it.

Even if guilt drowns you every night.

Even if the nightmares never rest.

Even if the hands you tried to save still drag you from their graves, begging for a second death.

It doesn't matter. As long as someone believes that keeping you alive makes sense... then that’s enough.

Right?

Maybe you're a weapon.

Maybe you're selfish.

Maybe you did it all just out of fear of disappearing, for that unbearable need to feel alive.

The need to feel that you matter. To have a place to fit in.

But at least you're something. In this shattered world, that's already more than many have.

But how much more can you take before you truly break? How much longer before you completely crumble, like so many times you did on the inside? How much will the price of his greed cost… and your desperate desire to remain useful?

Because in the end, it wasn't Bruce.

Nor your brothers.

Nor your sisters.

None of them ever knew who you were.

None of them understood.

Only him. Only Masashi.

That’s what scares you the most. Because if even he can make you believe that’s all you’re worth. If even he manages to make you cling to that idea, then maybe, you were never more than that.

Maybe you were never more than your power, and in Gotham, where you can no longer use it...

Not even that belongs to you.

[luna-azzurra]

Crafting Breakup Scenes That Actually Hurt

(because “we can still be friends” is a war crime)

Listen, if your characters are splitting up and the vibe is “mutual and mature” and “no tears at all”, congratulations, you’ve written a politely boring obituary for a relationship. Breakups are messy. Even the amicable ones. Especially the amicable ones. Because it's not just losing a person, it's losing the version of yourself that existed next to them.

❥ The “We’re Still Halfway in Love” Break Most people don't walk away clean. They still love each other a little. Or a lot. It's not a neat amputation—it’s tearing Velcro off skin. Show that ache. The lingering looks. The fingers almost reaching out and then clenching into fists instead. The “if one of us said ‘stay’ right now, this wouldn’t end” tension. Make your readers beg for one of them to crack and then don't let them.

One character leaves their favorite sweater behind. Not on purpose. Not exactly. They just... forget it. Or maybe they want to give themselves an excuse to come back for it later.

❥ The "Wrong Words at the Worst Time" Implosion Nobody says the perfect thing during a real breakup. They stammer. They say too much, or nothing at all. They lash out in clumsy, cruel ways because "I’m hurting" doesn’t sound heroic, but "you never loved me right anyway" comes out real easy. Write the fights that should have gone differently. Let your characters regret what they said before the echo even fades.

“I guess you never needed me after all.” Silence. The other person blinking like they’ve been shot. Because that wasn’t true. But now it’s hanging in the air, poisonous and permanent.

❥ The “Silent Break” Because Sometimes Words Are Useless Not every heartbreak needs a monologue. Sometimes it's sitting in a car together, staring out the windshield, saying nothing. Sometimes it’s standing at a door, one hand on the handle, too many words trapped in your throat. Let silence be heavy. Let it say, “I love you but I can’t anymore” without making anyone say a damn word.

The engine's ticking as it cools. Neither of them moves. One finally gets out of the car. They don't look back.

❥ The “Stupid Mundane Detail That Breaks You” Moment Big speeches are forgettable. But a breakup feels real when it’s tied to something stupid and tiny. Like they’re arguing and suddenly one of them notices how the other always folds the pizza box before throwing it out. Or how their coffee mug is still sitting on the table. Ordinary things take on the weight of the extraordinary loss.

She’s screaming, he’s begging, and somehow he notices her chipped nail polish and thinks, God, I’m losing her, and I still know what shade that is.

❥ The “One Last Selfish Touch” Goodbye Before they walk away, before its final, one of them touches the other’s face. Or smooths their hair. Or pulls them into a hug that lasts way too long. Selfish, tender, desperate. Knowing it’s the last time and doing it anyway because they physically cannot help themselves.

“Don’t go.” “Then tell me to stay.” Silence. Shaking heads. They kiss. It doesn’t fix a damn thing. It just hurts better.

Remember: The breakup isn’t the death of love. It’s the death of hope. That's what you need to break. Not just the hearts. The possibility of a different ending. That’s when it wrecks your reader in the best way.